The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
