I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
