my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
