he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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