Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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