If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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