I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
