my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
