Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
