I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
