Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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