Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
