The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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