shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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