Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
