she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
