Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just want to make out with him forever
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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