and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
