Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize