I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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