I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
