I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
