If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
What drink are we having for lunch?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
