i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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