I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
