That's when you crack a 10am beer
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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