last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
