you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
