like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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