Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
