it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize