Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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