smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
