smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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