How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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