I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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