Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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