the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
