i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
