Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
