I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
