Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
