Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Let's get the cat blown out
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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