I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
