It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
