So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you are never too drunk for berry picking
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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