Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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