Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
