I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I touched a dick in church today
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
