I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize