Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
