can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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