This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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