For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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