The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
