i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize