he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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