you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
