1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I love you.
Bad choice
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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