HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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