I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Randomize
