bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
