On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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