Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
