youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Randomize
