She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
