i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
