Pappa wants mamma naked
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
ok first of all what the fuck
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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