I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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