Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
we're so committed to being not committed
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
