A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
