this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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